Cher the Art Blog

Perpetual Saddness

6/25/2016

I was asked what depression feels like. It's difficult to describe to someone who has never experienced it. We all know someone who has experienced occasional depression, as have most of us, and maybe you or someone you know has been diagnosed with depression. As a lot of you know, I'm represented by J. Pepin Gallery who represents artists with a diagnosed mental health illness and the gallery (Jennifer Pepin) is helping to bring awareness to mental health illness. I know a few people who have lost a loved one to mental illness and it's hard for them to ever wrap their head around their loss.
Here is what depression feels like to me:
It is a perpetual feeling of sadness. It's like being smothered by darkness. Everyone and everything is a blur and colors are muted and sounds are muffled. Relationships and friendships (those who stay) are strained. Depression is paralyzing. It's like death to your soul, with your spirit is hanging by a thread.
Well meaning people offer advice they think will help, such as "Just cheer up and everything will be okay." Or "Just think happy thoughts." And "Get outside and get some fresh air and exercise and you will feel better." As you can see from my description above, it isn't that easy for the one who is caught in the grip of what feels like death.

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The Fine Art Of Being Vulnerable

12/6/2015

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I had a dream that I was in an art museum admiring the works of Gustav Klimt and Aubrey Beardsley, two of my favorite artists (hence the painting above). In the dream I was traveling with, and enjoying the art museum with, a very dear friend from way back when (we met when we were 11 or 12). He and I were in a relationship off an on throughout the years and for some reason our timing was always off for one or the other of us, making it difficult to commit to a life together - a happily ever after. A few years ago we reconnected and have followed each other on Facebook, and we keep in touch regularly via text messages and good ole Google Video Chat (I love technology!).

Without divulging the details of our somewhat complicated relationship/friendship, I've found myself feeling very vulnerable (a feeling I've always tried to avoid at all costs), and that was something I wanted to convey in this current painting.

Our past together is a beautiful memory and growing up together has been a lot of fun. I'm grateful we are still friends after all of these years. The future is anybody's guess. At our age now, each day is a gift and it feels like the days are getting shorter (because they are!). With that being said, I am grateful for each day and each text message or video chat we share, always thankful for a continually deepening friendship - vulnerability and all.

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Unfloding Inspiration

12/1/2015

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Originally this piece was going to be another take on a couple of other paintings I recently did of The Fates, or the 5th plain, described here by a friend: "The 5th plain. where all the accended masters, arch angels, and ancestors live. It is a golden plain that goes as far as the eyes can see. They are always there and always willing to help in the best way they can, when you call on them and ask."Another friend had suggested the Seven Virtues. Then it took on a different turn inspired by photos of my daughter and grandchildren visiting the temples in Thailand recently, and dropping coins into the 'wishing bowls' in a temple in Bangkok. The Japanese mended broken pottery with gold with the belief that once something is broken it becomes more beautiful . . . this piece was going to be another take on a couple of other paintings I recently did of The Fates, or the 5th plain, described here by a friend: "The 5th plain. where all the accended masters, arch angels, and ancestors live. It is a golden plain that goes as far as the eyes can see. They are always there and always willing to help in the best way they can, when you call on them and ask."Another friend had suggested the Seven Virtues. Then it took on a different turn inspired by photos of my daughter and grandchildren visiting the temples in Thailand recently, and dropping coins into the 'wishing bowls' in a temple in Bangkok. The Japanese mended broken pottery with gold with the belief that once something is broken it becomes more beautiful . . .

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Something Different

11/9/2015

I received a very lovely email from someone who recently bought one of my paintings from J.Pepin Gallery. She asked me about my most recent work pictured above because it is so different from my normal style which I've become known for.

Every now and then I experience feeling stuck in my creative process. Of course, I begin to think the worst and panic sets in, thinking I'm most certainly all washed up as an artist . . . after all these years and the hard work to get to where I am today (insert dramatic and sad violin music here). It's times such as these when I get out my acrylic paints and gesso and a large canvas. I don't think, I just paint. I paint on (with brushes, palette knives, sponges, my hands . . pretty much anything, even flinging or throwing the paint) and I scrape or wipe paint off. Paint on. Paint off. It's meditative really. Sometimes I don't like where a painting is going and I gesso over it completely and begin the process again. Somehow, as if my magic, something appears on the canvas that I'm happy with and the painting lets me know it is finished. Also, as if by magic, someone almost always buys the finished painting, and it's as if I painted it just for them alone.

It's these times of painting without thinking and making messes and getting messy with the paint and the process that loosen me up. In the loosening I'm opened up for new inspiration and new works to unfold in my regular style and with my regular medium, gouache on paper.

I highly recommend the process of just letting yourself be completely free with paint and canvas, or paper, or whatever - walls, maybe?

December 31st, 1969

10/2/2015

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The Gift

6/5/2015

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I've been so distraught over my sweet little dog, Mona Lisa, dying suddenly. I've also been pretty occupied with some health issues lately and between the two I've been a little bit of an emotional mess.

I had a dream a few nights ago where my spirit guides visited me, showering me with love, peace, and a beautiful sense of stillness. In the dream there was a black bird offering me a gift, and a curious black cat wondering (as was I) what the gift was.

The gift is this present moment. It's a reminder to slow down and enjoy NOW. It's all we really have. THIS present moment. The gift is stillness within my being. Calm. Allowing myself to just BE. The gift is an awareness of the love that comes to me in so many different forms, people, and circumstances. The gift is my own intuition that guides me and a reminder to pay attention always because my intuition never leads me astray. The gift is joy and a sense of wellbeing and knowing. Everything is going to be okay and everything that happens in all of my present moments happens for my higher good. In the painting within the painting (or is that a window?) are my spirit guides overseeing the presentation of the gift and holding hearts filled with love and light to wrap me up in. The cat and the bird must be spirit animal totems for me because they keep showing up in my dreams and waking life.

While painting this (and now that it's finished) I felt a sense of peace and stillness and a knowing that everything is going to be better than okay. I am filled with an eager anticipation as to what's next on this beautiful journey we call life.

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Therapist

5/19/2015

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At first this painting was going to be about dreams, my life in general, depression, therapy, and my take on the world. The flying pig is trying to fit in, flying in formation with the geese and hoping he is accepted as one of the flock. Maybe they won't notice he is pink. At some point in life we all have moments when we try to fit in, mostly when we are young and trying to figure out who the heck we are. There comes a point, though, when we realize we are different and we embrace how unique we are (hopefully). This painting was going to be about a therapy session where those things were discussed. As I got further into the work I began to wonder who the therapist was and who the client was. It became apparent that they are all the therapist. I guess you could say this painting is about the meeting of the minds, so to speak.

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May 11th, 2015

5/11/2015

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HAPPY is finished, except for the mat and frame.
This painting was inspired by the song HAPPY, by Pharrell Williams. The song makes me feel like dancing every time I hear it, so it's now my ringtone. Every time my phone rings I dance, and that was the inspiration for this piece. As I was dancing to my ringtone I imagined the characters in some of my recent works dancing, instead of marching with their heads down, or Humpty Dumpty just sitting on a wall feeling fearful of falling and never being able to be put back together again (representing my anxious and sometimes fearful self). My HAPPY ringtone makes me feel happy in the moment, and I dance when the phone rings . . . no matter where I am (figuratively or literally).

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Pigs Do Fly

4/9/2015

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"Partly Cloudy With Flying Pigs"

When I first started thinking about moving to Oregon from Colorado the phrase "When Pigs Fly" came to mind because it seemed pretty impossible at the time. Then when I began entertaining the thought of moving to Oregon and making my living as an artist the phrase got louder in my mind. In 2008 I moved to Oregon and it wasn't too long after that my artwork began selling on a small scale. Next thing I knew I was being represented by Dragon Fire Gallery, then Valley Art and Love Art! (until Love Art closed). Now my work is going to be in Portland, in the Pearl District at http://www.jpepinartgallery.com. Apparently pigs fly.

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Stories in my mind when I paint

3/21/2015

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Here is a better photo of my most recent painting, "Impermanence." I'm trying to catch up on the stories to accompany my new works that will be going to a new gallery in Portland in May. I will give more information about the gallery as we get closer to May and here is a link for the gallery: http://www.jpepinartgallery.com For now, the story, or some of my thought process while painting "Impermanence."

First of all I'd like to mention the houses in the background. As in all of my paintings the houses have no doors. I never gave it too much thought until this morning. I guess I was just chalking it up to creative license . Since there aren't any doors one would imagine that entry and exit into the buildings has to be through the windows. That makes perfect sense, right? It simply means that I make my own opportunities rather than sitting around waiting for things to happen. I have been since I moved to Oregon in 2008. To an outsider looking in it might have looked as though I was doing anything but creating opportunities. At times I've certainly felt like I wasn't doing much, but in hindsight I can clearly I've been busier than even I realized.

White birds have been showing up in my work lately. Birds represent my goals, aspirations and high hopes and they give me a feeling of spiritual freedom and joy. I love to watch the birds soaring through the sky and remember the feeling of flight that I've experienced in dreams. When I paint birds I feel the weight of depression and anxiety lift from my being, and feelings of joy and love take their place.

In this painting I'm sitting on my suitcase. My bags are packed and I'm ready to go and my little imaginary fish friend is along fro the journey. But where are we going? As we wait to figure our our destination the thought of goats came to mind. I used to have a pet goat back in the early 80s - Nanny-O was her name. Who knows why Nanny-O came to mind, or goats in general, but since they did I had to paint them into the scene. Maybe they're just a silly distraction from the uncertainties of my life.

Then there is a blue moon in the sky. You know, once in a blue moon. Only once in a blue moon would I find myself sitting on top of my suitcase at the side of a country road with my imaginary fish friend in tow and silly little goats strolling by as I ponder what's next.

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Perpetual Saddness

The Fine Art Of Being Vulnerable

Unfloding Inspiration

Something Different

December 31st, 1969

The Gift

Therapist

May 11th, 2015

Pigs Do Fly

Stories in my mind when I paint

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